I have a song running through my head. I don’t remember exactly how it goes, but it has something to do with putting off self-care to concentrate on work. It describes my life as of late. I’ve had to force myself to exercise or play with my children or contact my family because work has been so consuming. It’s all good– don’t get me wrong.
The success I’ve sought for so long has found me. Boy howdy, has it found me.
It’s amazing, wonderful, and a little overwhelming all at the same time. I felt as though I was close to tears a couple of days ago because I was so overwhelmed by the enormity of the gifts I’ve received. I wanted my family around me, but arrived home to a house full of my kids’ friends. I had to handle this weird feeling on my own– no hiding or pushing it off.
After so many years of trying to be a success, it’s easy to have a habit of accepting defeat. Suddenly the tables are turned and success is the norm, defeat the exception. How is that possible? When did the switch occur? I don’t know.
I’m focusing on the gratitude I feel. For the satisfying work that is coming in waves of abundance and for the money it brings with it. For my husband and children, who are so patient when I have my laptop open doing work again, trusting that things are indeed going the way that we have been hoping for so long. For the happiness of my children, manifested by the flow of their friends who visit and/or have sleepovers from Fridays through Sundays. For my friends and family out west, who took care of my mom during her recent stroke.
Most of all, for the presence of mind and the grace to understand the enormity of this gift, especially after all the long years of disappointments. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for these gifts.
We turned a corner this week and BLAM!
The epiphany struck us.
The realization that the one dream that we had nurtured for 13 years is finally within our grasp: A house. Security and stability for our children. The one part of each of our upbringings that symbolized family and safety. Because of a single choice — my pursuing a master’s certificate — that dream finally met us.
For me, everything suddenly came into focus. I don’t need another pair of shoes or another sweater if it means that the dream will slip away again. I explained the idea to my older daughter, and she was on board instantly. So is my husband, but he was probably there before I was.
And what makes it so real? A property a few miles north of where we live now. Nine acres with a beautiful home and a million-dollar view. We don’t know if it will be ours, but we are certainly going to hope so. It feels like our place. I am see myself sitting on the east-facing deck with a cup of coffee and my laptop, checking the morning email and news feeds.
I know, I know: Don’t fall in love with it. We won’t be able to put a contract on it until next April. A lot can happen between now and then. What if….?
Yeah — what if? What if we do get it? What if we add this to the growing list of our successes?
It feels, to an extent, like the way visiting this part of the country and my beloved school felt. It is the place that’s been waiting for me to find it. We never would have considered buying the home until a little while ago when we made a couple of discoveries about the property that suddenly placed it within our reach. I’m not going to post a picture of it because it might jinx the whole deal.
I only know one thing for certain at this point: We are going to be in our own home by this time next year. If it’s not the one I’m thinking of right now, I’m sure it would mean that the Creator has a better one in mind for us.