7 Ways To Show Love To Someone With Anxiety/Depression

7 Ways To Show Love To Someone With Anxiety/Depression


Good advice!

Originally posted on Be Brave, and Talk:

The hardest people to love are the ones who need it most.

In honour of Valentine’s Day, here are some ideas for showing love to friends and family members with anxiety/ depression:

1.) Give Compliments:

Chances are, someone who suffers from anxiety/depression also struggles with self esteem. Help her challenge her feelings of self loathing by giving her sincere, specific compliments. Being specific is really important, because it will make her more likely to remember what you said later. It will also make her more likely to believe you. For example, instead of saying, “You’re a good mom,” you could say something more meaningful: “You are so patient with your children. I love how you encourage them to keep trying. They are so lucky to have you.”
One thoughtful, genuine compliment has more power than 10 careless comments that feel like flattery. Put your heart into what you say.


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Posted by on 02/24/2015 in Motivation


Things are well, so how can I feel so afraid?

The days are lengthening, and despite the -10 degree wind chill and the 4 feet of snow piled up outside, I feel spring coming. I just know it’s there. Although I look forward to seeing the color green on the ground again, I find myself confronted by my old friend: anxiety. This is the spring during which we will finally purchase a home for our family. I have laid the financial groundwork throughout the winter and we will be meeting next week with the bank to begin the loan process, right on time for the schedule that we set last fall. We have started touring some of the houses in our area, and my husband is diligently working toward completing the broker-licensing process with the state.

So why on earth am I anxious? I asked myself that, because my rational mind knows that life is going so well for all of us and I have no reason to fear or to be unhappy.

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder some years ago, and I’ve kind of dismissed what that diagnosis means because I don’t feel anxious most of the time because of exercise and medication. I ran across an infographic last night, and realized why I can’t quite shake the anxiety. It is part of who I am, like it or not. It is a reflection of my genetics and upbringing (although I do not disparage my parents in any way– they did a fantastic job!) as well as many adult years of disappointments, setbacks, and shattered dreams.

It is part of what keeps me human. It also is part of why I am a card-carrying overachiever and sometimes develop friendships that aren’t the healthiest for me. As much as I would like my logical, powerful brain to dismiss the anxieties, which are truly irrational, logic cannot defeat brain chemistry. It can only slow down the process and allow me to use other coping mechanisms — when I have the presence of mind to think around the fear, which is not always the case.

In one of the blogs that I follow, I found a story by Thích Nhât Hanh, one of my favorite contemporary philosophers, that described anxiety as a galloping horse. The story resonated with me because now, even though one of our long-held dreams is about to come to fruition, I am really frightened that something will happen to derail us. Logically, I know that everything is in motion. I have done all I must to prepare, and my husband is doing his part of the task.

So what’s the takeaway here? I think that anxiety is a product of both genetics and experience (the old nature/nurture debate) and that once the brain has enough of both pieces, the disorder manifests. Once it’s there, all a person can do is:

  • Treat it like any other chronic disease and follow the directions of a medical professional (or in my case, a team of them).
  • Be gentle with yourself and realize that the disorder is not something you brought on yourself. You didn’t one day wake up and say, “Hmm…I think I want an anxiety disorder.” No one wants a chronic ailment — at least no sane person I’ve ever met.
  • Realize that when the anxiety attacks come (and they will), they are only temporary and will end. Your brain, specifically the amygdala, is hijacking your reason and eventually it will stop so you can become the rational person that you know you are.
  • Allow yourself the space to be human and set boundaries so that you can cope with the disorder without compromising any part of your life that you value. In other words, allow yourself to take breaks when you need them, like reading a good trashy novel when everything seems too heavy to handle.
  • Finally, know that you are not alone. This is a common disorder, and I think it’s partially a product of our modern world and the demands for instant gratification and communication that have become ubiquitous.

As for me and my process, I’m going to breathe, get another cup of coffee and get some exercise for the morning to establish my tried-and-true coping strategies. And focus on the good outcome — my family and I moving into our own home — that we all need.

This is not my image, and I do not claim any rights to its use. Obtained from

This is not my image, and I do not claim any rights to its use. Copyright

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Posted by on 02/20/2015 in Motivation


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“…Tomorrow will be ANOTHER snow day…”

This was the message that just arrived via my cell phone. Rah. For crying out lout– it’s just snow! It’s winter, and snow happens. Yes, we have a lot of it. Yes, it’s wet. Yes, it’s cold.

My kids are excited because it means that they can chill tomorrow and have another three-day weekend. If I were in their place, I would be excited too. As a teacher, it’s another matter entirely. More time away from class means less content I can deliver and less my students will learn. They’re paying a lot of money for the privilege of getting an education, and i’m sure their parents would agree. I’ve already informed my students that as long as the roads are passable (which they should be), we will be having class.  I’d say “take that, mother nature,” but I know the result. She always wins.

You realize that my insistence on going to work is a sure sign that I’m overworked and desperately in need of a vacation, right?

So do I.

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Posted by on 02/08/2015 in Motivation


Leaps, then bounds

We’re still dancing about that last faith leap. My husband has had the chance to express his frustrations in written and verbal form and has said goodbye to working with the dregs of the dregs of society. Yes, I said dregs of the dregs. There’s something to be said for advocating social justice, and we’re all for that. However, his former clientele included people that he flat refused to allow my children and I to see and we were not allowed to set foot in his office — these people were drug addicts, child molesters, and other types that he exercised tremendous precautions to shield us. I wish he hadn’t had the experience, but his life path must have needed him to learn something from the experience. I’m glad it’s over because he is already once again the happy man that I have known for so long. He has received the state’s blessing to take the exam that will allow him to transfer his real estate broker’s license and is now officially on the March ballot to be appointed to the town’s lister’s board. He’s also making plans to start school this fall and pursue the dream of having his Master’s degree that he has been postponing for far too long.

All these wondrous events have transpired for him because of one leap of faith.

On my side, I was offered a summer position at my college that represents a 20% pay raise, albeit non-permanent. That pay bump will push us over the edge so that we will absolutely be able to buy our home this year. I’ve also been contacted to pick up additional adjunct online work for a prestigious university, thus removing yet more of our financial worries. I also finished teaching an arduous three-week term during which I had to deliver a class that I had never taught, but found that my expertise in payroll accounting was highly transferable. Yesterday, after closing out my class, I found myself to be numinous with joy and feeling more like myself than I have in a while. I have so many, many reasons to be joyful, and my spirit is simply dancing right now.

I’m not questioning why. Just joining the creator in the steps, alight with an uncontrollable excitement that today’s snowstorm has just propelled to stratospheric levels.

This morning was my college’s convocation to welcome new students for the spring semester. One of the speakers had a message that, although it was directed toward the incoming students, touched me. She spoke of all the wonderful aspect of the school and how it changes people’s lives, of which I have seen evidence among my students many times already. Her message was to allow the good things to happen because we all deserve them. Her message touched me because I have experienced so much grace and many miracles that I have occasionally wondered if it is all meant for me. I finally truly believe that it is. My family and I deserve all this benificence, not because we have been through (oh so many) years of bad times, but because we are worthy by believing so.

The magnificence of it all awes me.

Image courtesy of

Image courtesy of

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Posted by on 01/24/2015 in Motivation


Another leap, another landing

After a year’s worth of mistreatment, my husband’s last day at his job is tomorrow. I experienced a bit of trepidation about stopping a monetary inflow deliberately, but the toxicity of the work was taking its toll on my darling man. I think the years of being without made me fearful (and reasonably so), but I heard that little voice of Spirit telling me to take the leap and trust that all will be alright. So we did. I felt an indescribably rush of peace flooding my being upon uttering the words “Merry Christmas, honey. You may quit your job when you’re ready.”

And we landed.

Almost literally the next day, I was offered a summer position at my college that paid double what my husband would have made in a year without subjecting ourselves to the degradation and humiliation of the soon-to-be former employer. I also found that my little editing work has blossomed into a dissertation editing and life coaching business that has grown 400% in the last 2 months — by word of mouth alone. And that’s just the monetary stuff.

Then there’s the non-financial benefits. Daddy can now release the toxicity that has made him short-tempered and anxious, which is very unlike him. My husband can devote him time to working in the real-estate assessment position with our little town, which he loves doing. He is going to prepare to start his Master’s degree (hopefully this fall), a dream that we’ve have been postponing for far too long. We are also preparing to purchase a home this summer (another long-overdue dream), and now he will have the time to find the right property and prepare it for our family the way he wants to do so.

I’m so glad that I listened to that little voice and leaped past the fears that held us back. leap-of-faith

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Posted by on 01/13/2015 in Growth, Insight


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Nothing like home

Purring cat
Homemade ravioli
Falling snow
Movies in surround sound
Happy family

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Posted by on 01/03/2015 in Motivation


Clicking my heels

There’s no place like home… there’s no place like home…there’s no place like home…

Ruby slippers, c/o MGM


Our flight is in a few hours. I’m not sure if I can coach the girls into acting sad to be leaving because they are simply too joyful to be going home. Me (and my husband) too!




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Posted by on 01/02/2015 in Motivation


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