One of the recurrent themes in my life as of late has been trust. As I continue along my journey, I find that the my unsolved issues tend to recur. In this past week, I have had to learn to abandon any mistrust I harbored for a couple of people whom I love very much. I have been called to trust in the judgment of medical professionals about the care I’m receiving for a chronic condition. I’ve had to trust the Universe that the path I’m on will lead me and my family to happiness and improved prosperity.
In my life, I have had many experiences that have caused me to mistrust people. The result has been my desire to control aspects of all my relationships, personal and professional, so that I can protect myself from the betrayal that I expect. Right now, I feel like I’m walking a tightrope between who I was and who I am meant to be. Despite my safety net of two exceptional people who love and encourage me along my journey. But I feel like I’ve just been given a blindfold and asked to trust more than I ever have before. Holy moley– all this increased trust in things unseen and unproven scares the daylights out of me!
Something I’m learning through all this is an unforeseen joy in trusting people. I’ve gotten a couple small tastes of the love I’ve been missing out on in my need to control my relationships and other interactions. I wonder if the process of growth and transformation involves blind trust in the providence of the Universe. What would happen if I let go and simply allowed my feet to be guided on the tightrope? Could it be that my feet would not falter, and that if I fell my safety net would be there to catch me? I have no evidence that says I will succeed, but do have plenty of experience of being caught when needed.
A line from a song I heard today was this: “Help me be still while you do your work.” In the context of trust, I interpreted this to mean that I need to relax and allow the Universe to guide me to my destination without question or resistance. And that I need to trust that the people whom I rely on for support will indeed be there for me as I am for them.
Although the release of control and mistrust scares me, it seems that this is the next step in my own journey. So here goes: the blindfold is affixed. Deep breaths.