Waiting and trusting

If you’ve followed this, you know that I’ve struggled with my lessons in trust and have wanted to peek around the blindfold that the Universe has imposed on me.Who me– trust? When so many experiences and my personality demands that I stay in control? I always hated those trust games when I was in scouts during which you had to close your eyes and fall backward, knowing that you would be caught. I think I always tried to peek then, too.

So I conducted some informal research. OK… that’s the big way of saying that I asked a lot of people the same questions. I have been told resoundingly to leave the blindfold in place and to simply trust.Here’s some of the advice I’ve received this week (in no particular order).

1. What? So you want to be in control?

2. Try to find some serenity.

3. I hate when I have to trust blindly, too– but sometimes you have to do just that.

4. Breathe, honey. I know the gravity of the situation is getting to you, but it will all work out.

For the record, the Universe did allow me to have a tiny glimpse around the blindfold. Have you ever been on or seen an image of a bridge over a vast crevasse? That’s what I saw. In this crevasse were the memories of who I used to be through all the different iterations of my life. I saw pieces of the most horrific part of those experiences and very nearly lost my balance. But I also got to see the beauty of both ends of the tightrope upon which I travel. What I realized, in reflection of all the advice and the glimpse I had was that my journey is not from something bad to something good, as it has been in times past. This journey is much more challenging: it’s between a beautiful existence to a different but equally lovely life.

What? No fleeing the bad guys? No hurrying towards someone or something that is a part of someone’s life to escape some worn out or otherwise unwanted part of my own? My own time to cross to an existence in which I can grow more, do more, be more?A journey from one beautiful part and deeply loved time to something that might be…more?

Yep. That’s exactly what I saw.

One of my favorite artists, k.d. lang, has a line in the song “Pulling Back the Reins” that says, “Equal parts of wait and trust.” After all my struggling this week, it occurred to me that her words are precisely what I needed to hear. I have to wait. I have to trust. It will all be as it should be. I will lose nothing– no lost love, no lost friends, no lost valuables. Instead, I will gain things that are far more important and brilliantly beautiful. But I have to allow the journey to happen to find out what those things are.

So I’m putting that blindfold back on and trusting the Universe in its direction for my life.

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