On the journey of life, I feel as though I am sitting on a lively boulder alongside the path, taking a breather, and contemplating the path ahead. No angst, no worries, just contemplation. Yet another door upon which I knocked was a “no,” but I’m actually not all that upset about it.
My mind, under the influence of my weekly RA-related chemotherapy that makes thinking interesting, has these thoughts floating around:
- I am perfect as I am and exactly where I am supposed to be.
- Maybe I should look further into some opportunities that have recently arisen for full-time online teaching. My family and poor little body would probably like that a lot more than a conventionally demanding job.
- Holy moley– HOW much material do I need to know to pass my CMA exam, scheduled for May or June?
- I’m glad I’m a professor– I get all the free textbooks I want!
- Do I really want to go to church in 28 degree weather tomorrow morning?
- I wonder what my weigh-in will reflect tomorrow morning. I’ve been back to a more normal schedule than I have in the last 5 months.
- Does that weigh-in really matter? I have some jeans that make me look and feel fabulous!
- Why did I wait so long to get rid of the gray hair? What was that all about, anyway?
- I wonder when we’re going to get started on finishing the textbook. Should probably drop an email to the team about that.
- What would happen if I could relax into acceptance of where I am, confidence about the path I’m on, and surety that I will get to the right place exactly when I’m supposed to?
I warned you these were random thoughts!
Sometimes it’s a good idea to sit on the virtual boulder (I used to call it a butt-high rock when I was into backpacking) and consider where you are, where you’ve been, and where you want to be. For instance, do I really want a job that will say it’s 40 hours but will actually be 50+? Yes, the money’s good, but what about my children? My health?
I’ve been reading Joan Chittister’s Book Wisdom Distilled from the Daily, and one thought that I’m contemplating is how much is enough. I made a landmark choice this week– I decided that I have enough shoes and clothes — at least, for now. Instead of spending more money on clothes, it will go into and investment fund. I’m also engaging in a couple of challenges that are light, compared to everything else: I’m reading the Bible in its entirety (alongside many other members of my church) throughout the year and I’m saving a relatively tiny amount each week throughout the year. I believe these simple, yet profound, changes and challenges will strengthen some previously weaker areas of my life.
I wish I had some guidance or answers to offer, but tonight is really only about contemplation. I’m going to turn in now and let my brain work through all these thoughts.
- At ease where we are (mindfulbalance.org)
- Right in front of us (mindfulbalance.org)
- Random Thoughts of the day (mkarimshah.wordpress.com)