Just a Closer Walk

I Walk Alone
I Walk Alone (Photo credit: hippydream [is busy])

After over two weeks of daily contact, three interviews, and a personality assessment with a particular educational institution, I have been invited to fly to meet with the campus and regional leadership on March 4. They are picking up every expense and I am preparing myself with questions for them and perfecting my exterior. The challenge I found toward the end of this past week was the contemplation of being successful and what it implies: relocation, a strong potential for a few weeks apart from my husband and children, and the care of my parents. I can’t buy or do anything much more to make the exterior more polished at this time, so I figured I’d better polish up the inside (as it were).


So I put on my Spotify trance-music radio station and took a walk. I initially noticed the cold wind that greeted me, the first blossoms of spring on the trees, and the lovely smell of the morning air. The trance music has a very calming effect on me, and I sunk into communion with nature and the Creator. I remember seeing the dead leaves blowing  in the wind and felt the voice of the spirit nudging me to notice them. It occurred to me that these dead leaves were akin to my self-doubt, past failings, and fear. I gave in to the wind and allowed it to flow through me, taking the doubts and fears with it and leaving  a sense of peace and spiritual cleansing.


Then this morning, the Gospel reading circled around a passage from Luke, in which Jesus said (in a very broad paraphrase, mind you) that he had work to do before he left and he was too busy to concern himself with the petty complaints of the Pharisees. My beloved pastor commented on this passage, and the words I needed to hear magically emanated from him. Here’s my take on what he said:


We have each been given a task in this life. Sometimes that task involves discomfort, like relocation and separation from those whom we love. The work we have been given to do must be done if we are to live and spread God’s love as fully as we are meant.


I’m not saying that I want to be away from my husband and children — not now, not ever. They are as much a part of me as my breath. But if accepting this job means a brief period of transition and physical separation that will establish the future’s foundation, then so be it.


I know what my purpose in life is, and that is bring hope to the forlorn, to help the lost find their path, and to bring acceptance to the troubled. I once thought that it meant I was supposed to be a priest, but that doesn’t fit me. In my calling as an educator, I already serve my purpose– but I cannot deny the pull I feel to be more of what I am. If I get this job, I will have the chance to teach other educators to bring hope and acceptance on a much greater scale than I can alone. I also see the very real chance to reclaim my dignity and establish security for my children in a way that has eluded me for many years.


As I continue to prepare myself mentally and emotionally, please send me a good thought or two, especially on March 4.





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