A song from Avril LaVigne floated from my radio this morning, and a part of it resonated with me throughout the day. In her own poetic way, Avril is telling her friend to just be who they are– no mask, no pretense. Be who you are meant to be.
These words bounced around my head as I prepared for another interview this morning. I had applied to this particular school a couple of days after my return from hell. In fact, I think it was one of the first applications I submitted once I returned to myself after that arduous journey. When I first applied, my hand must have been guided by the Spirit, because I didn’t notice at the time what made the school unique: It is a college for adults with ADHD, ASD, and LD. Special programs for children with these diagnoses are common and my younger daughter has her own special-needs program that is tailored to her. In my doctoral work, I have written two articles and my dissertation about the special needs of certain adults. In my wildest dreams, I never knew that this type of school existed– until I did my research this past weekend in preparation for today. I remember feeling as though someone had hit me with the proverbial 2×4, because this college is unique, beautiful, and somewhere that my ideas would be taken seriously.
Over the last few days, my husband and I have transformed from despair into a wild hope that refuses to be tamed. Here is a place where I could use all of my talents, all of my gifts and give them to the world. My husband would be well-positioned for his future path, as we would be very close to the school where he wants to pursue his own graduate work. My children would be in a safe, not-so-materialistic, nurturing environment for the remainder of their childhood. My thoughts this morning were “how am I going to convince them that they need me?”
Curse those “hows”! I resolved to focus instead on who I am, what I can bring to them, and let ME shine through. Then it occurred to me that these people were probably as worried as I was about how they were going to convince me. I’ve found that people have a funny way of thinking that just because I live in the wine country that I wouldn’t want to live elsewhere. Armed with that bit of insight, I proceeded into the interview.
I can’t express what happened during this interview, except that somehow the Creator spirit was at work. They asked me precisely the questions I had prepared. I asked them precisely what they wanted to tell me. They asked for samples of my classroom work, and I thanked God that I had been busily sharpening my lesson-writing skills and can write them fluidly now, for I had none of my work from my previous employer. But I’ve grown enough that I don’t need to sift through the ashes of my former self. I took my knowledge and built on the strength I have made my own recently and sent a fabulously unique lesson that I would be proud to deliver. As it stands, they are going to contact me shortly with a date in the next couple of weeks to visit the campus and guest lecture during one of the classes.
I haven’t been able to get a shred of work done today because I’ve been floating in a bubble of wonder and awe. I can feel the imminent pressure of a looming project deadline, but somehow I don’t want to break the wonder-bubble of the day. Quite a change from where I was at this time two weeks ago.
Life’s like that, huh?