I have decided that my post about tough love contained a misnomer. I think that my recent definition of “tough” love may be better if it was labeled as “dynamic” love. After all, it is a love that grows, changes, and adapts to the needs of the giver and the recipient.
That being said, “dynamic love” it shall be!
And if you think it’s hard to love someone else dynamically, try it on yourself. I’ve been allowing myself to heal on so many levels over the past few months. Sometimes the healing has been challenging because it involves patience — and I’m so not the queen of patience when it comes to myself. I want to be healed of all of the mental/physical/emotional bruises and scars. Right. Now.
Doesn’t happen that way.
I cannot speed the healing by being tough with myself.
- I can, however, persist when the healing involves pain.
- I can persevere when things get tough.
- I can expose the vulnerable and frightened parts to my husband and kids instead of shutting them out in some twisted wish to shield them from the less-pretty parts of my world.
- I can shut the toxic people out– you know the ones: they try to poison any happiness that other people have by injecting fear at every opportunity.
- I can focus on what is nourishing for my mind, body, and spirit — even if the “chocolate cake” (i.e., the unhealthy stuff) is appealing.
Damn, this is a tough road.