Realizing that I had changed over the winter was a harbinger of my next challenge.
Yesterday, my older daughter and I attended church together and then went to the church’s summer picnic. She noticed that something was slightly off in my behavior, and although I felt a significant amount of anxiety on several levels, I didn’t notice that my behavior was unusual. I’m not entirely sure of the accuracy of her observation, as she is 12 and has already got the teenage hormone-induced drama in full measure. However, I’m not going to dismiss her observations completely, as she has known me for her entire life. And she is not the only person who has reflected that anxiety changes me.
It’s time to stop trying to avoid feeling anxious, as that is impossible for many reasons. It’s time to understand the fear that fuels the anxiety and make peace with it. By making peace with my fear, perhaps my anxiety can also be calmed. Instead of refusing this admittedly uncomfortable part of myself, I need to embrace it as another facet of who I am: imperfect, but nonetheless lovely, smart, and sweet.
So the journey begins. One step at a time. Surrounded by people who love me, how could I fail?