Cleaning House

I just asked my mother-in-law to leave my house and not come back. I will probably go to hell, at least in her eyes. Since she already hates me (her words, not mine) and has told me that she is kicking me out of the family (again, her words), I’m not sweating this one too much. I think she had it coming, and I believe my husband agrees.

After showing up four days early for their visit (!!) and managing to thoroughly upset my daughters over the last few days, I had reached my “had it” point. The in-laws spent money like water, mostly on the children, and I can only guess that it’s to make them feel magnanimous. I have thanked them to their faces and on social media, and have made sure that the girls have said thank yous when appropriate. The gifts were needed and beyond our ability to purchase.

There’s a big “but” hanging out there, right?

I don’t believe that buying people things gives anyone the right to be insulting. My girls have both gotten mad at my mother-in-law for insulting me and for being mean to them. She berates them with a “you should respect your elders.” As for me, I have told the girls that I support them completely and that they don’t need to stand up for me. I can do that on my own. Truth be told, I think the girls are pretty awesome for standing up for me, knowing that they will be yelled at by her for doing so.

The final straw came when my daughter, who has a diagnosed learning disability, was learning how to play a game and asked me to explain it in a quiet setting. This child has the processing speed that makes 99% of people process faster than her. To put it simply, where most of us can process a figurative pitcher full of information at a time, she can handle only a small straw full. I was explaining the game to her on her terms and she was really understanding it, but the mother-in-law kept interrupting. Like I would do with any student with low processing speed, I asked for quiet so I could finish teaching my child how to play the game. That’s when all hell broke loose.

Rather than recounting each sordid detail, suffice it to say that the mother-in-law got mad for being shushed and starting yelling at me. The girls rushed to my defense and I invited her to leave permanently. She will need to apologize before I allow her back in my home or around my girls. Since she doesn’t know how to apologize, I guess that’s that.

I’m sorry, but only because it makes my husband’s relationship with his parents more difficult. I now have to make sure my girls feel safe in their home again, which is a very difficult task.

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